Tokophobia isn’t always what you think it is. Some women know it from the gut-wrenching terror at the thought of pregnancy or birth. For others, it’s harder to spot — woven through the fabric of their lives in ways that aren’t obvious, but are quietly devastating.
In this episode of Tik-Tokophobia, I sit down with my cohost JJ Stenhouse, who only discovered she had tokophobia at the age of 68. Her story is raw, honest, and shines a light on the many faces of Reproductive Anxiety Disorder (RAD) — and why recognising it matters for every woman, and every professional supporting them.
WHY THIS EPISODE MATTERS
Too often, tokophobia is dismissed as “just nerves” or a quirk of personality. JJ’s story blows those assumptions out of the water. For decades, she simply believed motherhood “wasn’t for her,” blaming herself for failed relationships, creative blocks, and a nagging sense of anxiety that never made sense.
It wasn’t until she heard me talk about how a traumatic birth can be the root cause of a condition called “tokophobia” that the penny finally dropped — and a lifetime of confusion began to make sense.
This episode is about more than not having children. It’s about how untended reproductive trauma, and unrecognised tokophobia, can shape a woman’s very sense of self. I believe every woman — and every birth professional — needs to hear this.
Key Insights from JJ’s Story
Tokophobia Can Start Before You Even Know Yourself
JJ’s tokophobia began at birth, quite literally. Born with the umbilical cord around her neck, she was a “blue baby”, separated from her mother and kept in an oxygen tent. The terror of that start made its home deep in her nervous system – even though JJ only learned the details years later.
That early trauma echoed throughout her life, not just as birth fear, but as a constant sense of not feeling safe — a hallmark of Reproductive Anxiety Disorder.
JJ’s experience underlines that reproductive trauma is not always about pregnancy — it can stem from a woman’s own birth, and the nervous system holds onto these patterns.
It’s More Than Babies: The Fear of “Birthing” Anything
What really hit home for JJ was the realisation that her tokophobia showed up not just as fear of actual childbirth, but as a block to creating anything in her life. Projects, ideas, businesses – all would regularly stall before making it “out into the world”.
In JJ’s words, “I was never able to birth anything creative of my own”.
For many women, tokophobia is not just about babies. It’s about a deep-seated resistance or inability to bring forth anything new — whether that’s a child, a creative project, or even authentic relationships. This is a profound and under-discussed impact of RAD.
The Emotional Fallout: Miscarriage, Denial, and Relationship Loss
JJ described her experience of early miscarriage: a wave of terror, followed by anger and denial — not the sadness or grief people expect. She even downplayed her own miscarriage as “just a bad period”, because it didn’t fit the neat cultural box of pregnancy loss.
Ultimately, her tokophobia contributed to the end of two marriages: one partner left because she couldn’t have children, and in another, she defaulted to suggesting adoption, not realising it was fear — not altruism — calling the shots.
Professionals need to recognise that reproductive trauma can be cloaked in relief, numbness or anger, not just visible sadness.
Women, you’re not “defective” if your emotional responses don’t match what you’re told to expect.
Healing Begins with Naming It
For JJ, the turning point came when she finally put a name to her fear. Tokophobia. RAD. Once she named it, she could work with it — using intention, somatic awareness, and the Head Trash Clearance method to gently release decades of stored anxiety. The result? Creative energy flowing freely, a new sense of safety… and, after all those years, the ability to coo over a baby without panic or aversion.
The importance of diagnosis — even self-diagnosis — cannot be overstated. Giving language to reproductive anxiety is the gateway to real support and transformation.
Who Needs to Hear This?
If you support women as a doula, midwife, hypnobirther, therapist – JJ’s story is proof that tokophobia and RAD run deep and wide. That “undecided” client… the woman who never finishes her creative projects… the woman whose anxiety seems to have “no root” – you are encountering RAD.
And if you’re a woman who’s spent a lifetime believing motherhood “just wasn’t for you”, or whose creative energies always feel stifled, listen to JJ. This story matters for you.
Let’s Change the Conversation
Too often, women are blamed for “choosing career over motherhood”, dismissed as “too sensitive”, or told, “just have a baby, you’ll be fine”. This isn’t just bad advice — it’s deeply wounding.
Fearless Birthing is powered by the Head Trash Clearance method because real healing starts when we stop gaslighting women’s fear, and start listening to what’s beneath it.
Listen to JJ’s full story on the Tik-Tokophobia podcast here
If you’re ready to explore support, the Head Trash Clearance method, or professional training for working with birth trauma and RAD, I invite you to get in touch.
Because when you understand tokophobia and RAD, you don’t just help women survive — you help them reclaim their most creative, powerful selves.
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If this resonates, please share with a woman or professional who needs to hear it. We are not alone.