.. and Why Women Deserve So Much Better
If you’re here, chances are you know that fear of birth is not “just nerves.” Whether you’re a woman wrestling with anxiety around pregnancy, or a professional supporting those who do, you’ll know: it runs deep.
In this Tik-Tokophobia episode, JJ and I (Alexia) get real about the lived experience of tokophobia—from the inside out.
I share my own journey — not as an “expert” perched on a pedestal, but as a woman who’s had her life quietly shaped by reproductive fear. If your heart sinks at the thought of pregnancy, or if you spot avoidance and distress in your clients and aren’t sure why, this is for you.
Here’s what I wish every woman, doula, midwife, hypnobirthing instructor and therapist knew about tokophobia, birth fear, and what it means to truly heal.
What Tokophobia Really Looks Like (It’s Not Always Obvious)
For most of my life, I had no idea I was living with a pathological fear of pregnancy and birth.
I “wasn’t a baby person.” I steered clear of friends with young children, avoided holding babies, and frankly found the whole thing upsetting.
I spent eight years in a relationship and never once had “the baby conversation.” If you’re a professional, know this is a major clue.
My sex life was tangled up with anxiety, sadness, and sudden tears—yet I never saw the link with birth fear.
The truth? Tokophobia often looks like avoidance. Women may throw themselves into work, avoid commitment, or dismiss talk of motherhood—not from lack of interest, but because terror is quietly running the show.
The Taboo No One Talks About: “Relief After Miscarriage”
This is a tough one to admit out loud, but it matters. After learning I’d miscarried, my first reaction wasn’t just grief—it was overwhelming relief. Then came self-judgment, shame, and confusion. How could a woman be glad not to be pregnant?
For many women with tokophobia, this “relief” is a huge diagnostic clue—often missed by professionals.
Feeling conflicted or disconnected after loss doesn’t make you broken or uncaring. It’s a sign of deeper fear and trauma.
If you’re a midwife, therapist, or birth worker, pay close attention to clients who describe relief, numbness, or discomfort after reproductive loss. It’s rarely “nothing.”
Why Mainstream Care Gets Tokophobia Wrong
When I first reached out for help, it was labelled “just anxiety,” not connected to my feelings about birth or motherhood. Even my midwife, at a critical first appointment, missed the signs completely.
Women are fobbed off, ignored, or offered hypnobirthing scripts that simply don’t reach the source of terror.
When tokophobia goes unrecognised, women are often offered only two options: push through their fear, or “just book a caesarean” (which, as I share, is not a real solution—it leaves all the months of anxiety unaddressed).
If you work with women in any reproductive context and you’re not tuned in to tokophobia and Reproductive Anxiety Disorder (RAD), you’re missing what’s really going on for many of your clients.
How I Cleared My Fear (And Why Fast, Real Solutions Matter)
By accident and out of pure desperation, I ended up using and refining the Head Trash Clearance method—a quick, self-driven technique grounded in clearing emotional triggers at their root.
I went from total panic and a plan to be “knocked out” for delivery… to a fear-free, even joyful, home birth.
I learned this change is repeatable, swift, and works even if everything else has failed. Many of my clients clear deep-seated fears in a matter of weeks—not years.
For birth professionals: women don’t have nine months (or three years of therapy) to “work through” this. They deserve tools that actually work, and they deserve them now.
Why This Matters—for You, and the Women You Serve
If you see women struggling to commit to relationships, shocked by pregnancy news, or unable to engage in “baby talk,” this isn’t just personality or culture. This is birth fear, reproductive trauma, and broad-reaching Reproductive Anxiety Disorder shaping lives in silence.
Start asking different questions. Look for avoidance, not just expressed fear.
Understand that relief, shutdown, and even anger can all be expressions of unrecognised tokophobia.
You can help women heal—quickly, gently, effectively—when you meet them where they are.
A Gentle Call: Resources, Support, and a New Way Forward
If these themes resonate — either in your own heart, or in your professional work — I encourage you to listen to the episode. Share it with anyone wrestling with fear of pregnancy, or with colleagues still learning how to spot tokophobia.
And know that you’re not alone, and you are not broken. There’s a white paper, The Case for Reproductive Anxiety Disorder, for those who want to go deeper.
If you’re a birth professional or content creator, you’ll find the RAD Responsible™ guidelines a supportive companion for conscious content creation and compassionate practice.
My mission is simple: every woman deserves a choices, healing, and a life beyond the silent grip of birth fear.
If you’re ready to explore further—or help those you care for do the same—the doors to support, resources and training (including Head Trash Clearance and the full Fearless Birthing support system) are always open.
Listen to the episode here:
Because once you see tokophobia, you’ll realise how many women are waiting to be heard.
—
Alexia Leachman, creator of the Head Trash Clearance method and the Fearless Birthing movement.
If you need support, professional training, or just a safe space to start talking—reach out.