Former tokophobia sufferer, mother of two fearless births, author of Betrayed By Your Biology and Fearless Birthing. The person who named Reproductive Anxiety Disorder.
When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I felt completely taken over. She decided how hungry I was, how tired I was, even how much weight I gained. I understand, from the inside, how unsettling the feeling of not being in charge of your own body can be.
Some women feel a quiet horror at the very idea of pregnancy: of something growing inside them, moving, kicking, taking over their body for nine months. If you hate the thought of being pregnant in this visceral, physical way, you may have wondered whether something is wrong with you. There is not. This is a real and recognised fear, and it makes sense.
Why you might hate the thought of being pregnant
This is one of the most underestimated pregnancy fears, and one women rarely admit to, because it sounds shocking out loud. Some describe the sensation of something moving inside them as feeling alien, even invasive, like something taking over. It is not that they do not want a baby, necessarily. It is that the bodily reality of pregnancy, another being inside them, growing and moving and unstoppable, feels genuinely unbearable.
Underneath, this almost always ties back to control. Your body stops being only yours. There is now something else inside it, dictating how you feel, how you look, and what your body does, and you cannot pause or stop it. For a woman whose sense of safety rests on being in control of her own body, that is profoundly threatening. The horror is not really about the baby. It is about being taken over.
You are not unnatural or broken
I want to say this plainly, because shame loves this particular fear. Feeling this way does not make you cold, selfish, or unnatural. It does not mean you would be a bad mother, and it does not settle the question of whether you do or do not want children. It is a fear response, and fear responses are not verdicts on your character. Many women who feel exactly this go on to have babies they adore, once the fear is cleared. Others decide motherhood is not for them, freely, once they can tell the difference between the fear and their actual wishes.
What helps
Because this fear is bodily and visceral rather than logical, you cannot reason your way out of it. It lives in the nervous system, which is where it has to be cleared. Head Trash Clearance works at that level, on the deep aversion and the control fear underneath it.
It also helps to recognise what you are dealing with. A fear this strong often sits within tokophobia, and it is closely related to the fear of losing control. If you are unsure whether your feelings are fear or a genuine preference not to have children, the gentle exploration in do I have tokophobia? may help, and the free Tokophobia Assessment is the simplest place to start.
Frequently asked questions
Why do I hate the thought of being pregnant?
For many women, the horror is about the bodily reality of pregnancy, something growing and moving inside them, taking over their body, rather than about the baby itself. Underneath is usually a fear of losing control of your own body. It is a recognised fear, not a flaw in you.
Does hating the thought of pregnancy mean I should not have children?
No. It is a fear response, not a verdict on whether you want children or would be a good mother. Many women who feel this way go on to have babies they love once the fear clears, while others freely choose not to. The aim is to tell the fear apart from your genuine wishes.
Is feeling disgusted by pregnancy normal?
It is more common than people admit, and it often goes with tokophobia. Feeling revulsion at the idea of something growing inside you does not make you unnatural or cold. It is a visceral fear response, and like other such fears, it can be eased and cleared.
Can this feeling go away?
Yes. Because the fear is bodily rather than logical, it responds to fear-clearance work that operates at the nervous-system level, far better than to reassurance or willpower. As the deep aversion and the underlying control fear ease, many women find their feelings about pregnancy genuinely change.
About the author: Alexia Leachman helps pregnant women, and women planning pregnancy, clear the specific fears anxiety likes to attach to: pain, losing control, intervention, the unknown. She went from terrified to two fearless births, and wrote the practical how-to, Fearless Birthing, to show other women the way through. More about Alexia →
Fearless Birthing and Head Trash Clearance are not therapy and are not a substitute for clinical mental health or medical care.
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