The Unspoken Reality of Fear-Driven Abortions
We often hear that abortion is about “choice.”
But for many women I’ve worked with over the last decade, that’s not the full truth.
These are not women who didn’t want to be mothers.
They are women who were taken over by such an intense fear of pregnancy or childbirth that staying pregnant felt impossible. They weren’t choosing abortion — they were choosing to survive.
This is not a fringe experience.
This is a clinical blind spot.
And it’s one we must urgently address.
When Terror Hijacks the Body
Imagine seeing two pink lines and falling to the ground, not from joy or surprise — but from terror.
Your heart races. Your thoughts vanish. Your body goes cold.
You don’t just feel anxious. You feel like you’re about to die.
That’s what reproductive anxiety can look like.
This is tokophobia.
Tokophobia is a severe, body-based fear of pregnancy and/or childbirth. For some, the fear is so intense that their nervous system perceives pregnancy as a direct threat to their survival.
And in that state, you can’t choose.
There’s no weighing of options, no planning, no conversation. There is only get me out of this.
This Is Not a Rare Story
One woman shared with me that she had three abortions — of babies she wanted — and told her husband they were miscarriages. Her words:
“It was me or the baby.”
I’ve heard this exact phrase from many women.
Each one made that decision in a fog of panic, isolation, and shame — and many still carry the emotional aftermath, often alone.
They didn’t know what was happening to them.
And neither did the professionals they turned to for help.
They weren’t offered trauma-informed support.
They weren’t told about tokophobia.
They weren’t asked the right questions.
And so, they made fear-based reproductive decisions in silence.
Decisions that shaped their lives.
The Problem With “Choice” Language
The term “choice” implies freedom. Autonomy. Clarity.
But fear this loud can’t be reasoned with. It doesn’t respond to logic or love.
It shuts down the prefrontal cortex. It kicks the nervous system into survival mode.
In this state, women aren’t exercising agency. They’re managing a crisis.
This isn’t choice — this is trauma.
And when no one around them has the language for what’s going on — not their GP, not their therapist, not even their partner — women blame themselves.
They carry guilt they don’t deserve for a fear they didn’t choose.
Why Professionals Need to Understand This
If you’re a therapist, midwife, perinatal mental health specialist, or birth worker — this matters.
Because these women are walking into your rooms.
And you may not even know it.
They’re not always talking about abortion.
They might just say:
-
“I don’t think I can do pregnancy.”
-
“I’m terrified of giving birth.”
-
“I think I want children… but not with my body.”
What they’re really saying is: My body doesn’t feel safe with this.
These aren’t just mindset issues or negative beliefs.
This is a somatic trauma response.
And it needs to be treated as such.
Naming It Is the First Step
Without language, women can’t ask for help.
Without recognition, they live in shame.
When a woman hears the word tokophobia for the first time, it can change everything.
Suddenly, she’s not broken. She’s not crazy.
She’s scared — and she can be supported.
That’s why I wrote Betrayed by Your Biology — to shine a light on the hidden epidemic of reproductive fear that is quietly shaping women’s lives, relationships, and futures.
This isn’t about abortion. This is about what happens when we ignore the body’s role in reproductive mental health.
It’s Time to Change the Narrative
If we want to support women — truly support them — we have to stop treating these stories as taboo.
We need to:
-
Train health professionals to recognise tokophobia and reproductive anxiety.
-
Create protocols for trauma-informed pregnancy care.
-
Offer early intervention for women experiencing full-body fear responses to conception or pregnancy.
And most of all — we need to listen without judgment.
Because women are telling us what’s happening. We just haven’t known how to hear it.
From the Book: Betrayed by Your Biology
This blog draws from a chapter in my new book, Betrayed by Your Biology: The Hidden Fear Controlling Women’s Lives.
In it, I explore the stories of women who have made fear-driven reproductive decisions and how silence, shame, and lack of professional understanding made things worse. But I also offer a way forward — for women and for the professionals who support them.
Because this isn’t just about healing one woman.
It’s about changing how we understand fear, the body, and women’s health.
👉 Learn more about the book here ➜ Betrayed by Your Biology
👉 Want to learn how to support women with tokophobia? ➜ Find out more about my training