If the idea of losing control makes your heart race, your stomach drop, or your mind spiral into panic — you’re not alone.
For many women struggling with tokophobia (the fear of pregnancy and birth), it’s not just the idea of labor that’s terrifying. It’s the loss of control that comes with it.
Pregnancy changes your body, your hormones, your emotions, and your entire future — and you don’t get a say in how it all unfolds.
If that thought alone makes you panic, let’s talk about why — and, more importantly, how you can start feeling in control again.
Why Losing Control Feels So Terrifying
If you fear losing control, it’s likely because control = safety in your mind.
👉 When you’re in control, you feel calm, grounded, and secure.
👉 When you lose control, you feel exposed, vulnerable, or even threatened.
This fear is common in women with:
- Tokophobia – Fear of the unknown, body changes, medical interventions, and unpredictability of birth
- Anxiety & OCD – A need for control over thoughts, actions, and surroundings
- Medical Trauma – Past experiences of feeling powerless in a medical setting
- Past Emotional Wounds – Situations where control was taken from you, leaving you feeling unsafe
And when control is tied to survival, even the thought of giving it up can trigger an intense emotional and physical reaction.
How This Fear Impacts Pregnancy & Birth
If you fear losing control, pregnancy and birth can feel like the ultimate nightmare:
Your body is changing on its own. You can’t stop it. You can’t predict how you’ll feel. You just have to “go with it” — which feels impossible.
Medical professionals are in charge. Doctors, midwives, nurses — you feel at their mercy. What if they don’t listen to you? What if things happen to you instead of with you?
Birth is unpredictable. There’s no guarantee of a “perfect birth.” Even with the best plan, things can change. That unknown feels terrifying.
This is why so many women with tokophobia:
❌ Avoid pregnancy altogether — because not knowing how it will go is unbearable.
❌ Choose C-sections — because it feels like the most “controlled” option.
❌ Struggle with extreme anxiety during pregnancy — because the loss of control is happening in real-time.
But here’s what most people get wrong…
Control Isn’t the Answer — Safety Is
Most women try to grip onto control even harder when they’re afraid.
They research endlessly, over-prepare, micromanage every detail, and obsess over birth plans — all in an attempt to feel safe.
But here’s the truth:
➡️ Real safety doesn’t come from control. It comes from trust.
➡️ Fear doesn’t go away when you control more. It goes away when you release what’s keeping you stuck.
When you clear the deep emotional fears around loss of control, you don’t need to micromanage everything. You start to feel calm, grounded, and emotionally steady — no matter what happens.
That’s what real freedom feels like.
So, How Do You Start Feeling Safe?
The key is working with your subconscious fears — not just trying to rationalise them away.
Here’s where to start:
1. Identify What’s Driving Your Fear
👉 Take the Tokophobia Assessment (to uncover your personal fear triggers)
👉 Join the Free Tokophobia Masterclass (to learn what works & what doesn’t)
2. Start Clearing Your Fear — Today
👉 Get the Fear Clearance Starter Pack (a DIY healing kit with guided fear-clearance tracks)
3. Get Personalised Support
👉 Work with Me in the Tokophobia Support Program (a structured 5-week healing plan)
👉 Go Deeper with Fearful to Fearless (for full, 1:1 healing support)
You don’t need to control everything to feel safe.
You don’t need to have all the answers before you take the next step.
You just need to start clearing what’s keeping you stuck.
And when you do? You’ll feel lighter, calmer, and finally free from fear.