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How Unhealed Tokophobia Shows Up in Unexpected Ways
When I look back at my own quiet years of avoidance, I can see how far my tokophobia reached without my ever connecting the dots. It touched my relationships, my sense of myself, even moments that had nothing obviously to do with birth. Unhealed, this fear does not stay politely in one corner of your…
I Don’t Want Kids – Do I Have Tokophobia?
For most of my life I would have told you, quite firmly, that I just was not maternal. I believed it. It was only later that I understood my fear had been quietly speaking for me the whole time. So I hold this question gently, because I know how convincing the “I don’t want kids”…
My Tokophobia Story
People sometimes assume I do this work from the outside, as an expert who studied the fear. I did not. I do it because I lived it. This is my tokophobia story: where it began, the years I spent not understanding it, the shock that forced me to face it, and how I came out…
Tokophobia and Mental Health
When my tokophobia was at its worst, I was also wrestling with anxiety and depression, and I treated them as separate problems. They were not. Once I cleared the reproductive fear at the root, a surprising amount of the rest came with it. That experience, repeated again and again in my clients, completely changed how…
Can You Overcome Tokophobia? (Yes – Here’s How)
This is the question I am asked more than any other, usually with a held breath behind it. And it is the one I most love to answer, because the answer is a big, clear yes. I know that for certain, not just because I overcame my own tokophobia, but because I have watched hundreds…
Tokophobia and Your Relationship
I avoided the conversation about children with my own partner for eight years. Eight years. That is how powerfully tokophobia can sit in the middle of a relationship without ever being named. When I finally faced it, so much that had quietly strained us started to make sense, and to ease.
Reproductive Anxiety Disorder (RAD): The Complete Framework
I spent years terrified of pregnancy and birth without ever having been pregnant. There was no traumatic birth in my past, because there was no birth in my past. Just a deep, physical dread I could not explain and did not have a word for. When I finally understood what I was carrying, I realised…
The Fear Funnel Explained: How Fear of Birth Takes Hold
When I look back at my own fear, I can see now that it did not appear the day I thought about getting pregnant. It had been building quietly for most of my life. I just had no idea it was happening. That is the thing about this fear: by the time you notice it,…
Abortion Grief and Trauma: The Stories We Don’t Tell
Women have trusted me with grief they had never spoken aloud to anyone. What strikes me, every time, is that so often it was not the decision itself that broke them. It was the silence afterwards. The pretending. Carrying something enormous with nowhere to put it down. That is the wound I most want to…